Father who spent his entire 20s drunk and downed at least two bottles of his 'magic medicine' red wine a day reveals how he finally quit booze and now runs Facebook's biggest sober community

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A man who depended on alcohol to function reveals how he was drunk for most of his 20s and how red wine felt like 'magic medicine that made everything fun'.

Simon Chapple, now 47, from Guildford, Surrey, was 14 when he had his first sip of wine, and even though he thought it tasted revolting he carried on drinking throughout his teens and twenties.  

He reveals that he was so drunk on his wedding day that organisers had to remove him from the tables he was dancing on, and during his first dance people shouted, ‘they're so drunk they're holding each other up’, at him and his new wife. 

The more he drunk the more his anxieties worsened, and he had to take time off work to deal with them. But, he just continued to drink - around two bottles of red wine a day. 

It wasn't until he started to see other signs - such as his hands shaking, that he realised how bad his problem had got. In a bid to solve his problem he tried to cut back, but he knew deep down he had to get sober.

Two years ago he gave up the booze - with the help of Facebook communities, journalling and advice from others. He went on to create his own Sober community, via Facebook, which is one of the biggest in the world, and he's written a book about his experiences called The Sober Survival guide. 

Simon Chapple, 47, from Guildford, Surrey, admits he was just a teenager, at 14, when he had his first sip of wine, and even though he thought it tasted revolting he carried on drinking throughout his teens and twenties. Pictured: Drinking in a club

THE BEGINNINGS OF HIS PROBLEM

Simon, admits, that like most of us, he started exploring alcohol when he was a teenager: 'I was around 14 years old when I had my first sip of wine. It tasted revolting but I stuck with it and pestered my parents to allow me to have a drink with my evening meals. 

'My dad drank red wine almost every evening and I thought it was grown-up and sophisticated, I looked up to my dad and wanted to be just like him when I was older.

'I didn’t really pay attention to the effects of alcohol until I started taking the remains of my dad’s wine to my bedroom while I was in my mid-teens. It was at this point I was starting to drink more regularly. 

'I enjoyed the sense of euphoria and relaxation that washed over me from the first glass, little did I know this was the start of a slippery slope that would see me heading downhill for over twenty years.

'Around the same time, my friends and I started to get our hands on our own alcohol. I can remember many occasions where we would huddle in a group, outside the local off-licence, and send in the oldest looking member of our little gang inside to buy the booze.  

'It still surprises me that my parents never said anything about my drinking when I returned home from one of these all-day benders. Maybe they didn’t notice or maybe they weren’t that bothered because everybody drinks, it is what we all do, right?'

The more he drunk the more his anxieties worsened, and he had to take time off work to deal with them. But, he just continued to drink - around two bottles of red wine a day. Pictured drunk at a festival with a beer in hand

As the years went by, he admits that his anxieties became worse and worse: 'I would worry about things that never happened and would get myself worked up over the slightest thing. 

'I'd have panic attacks and anxiety to the point where I have made a decision not to do something fun in favour of letting the anxiety win the internal battle. I even remember bursting into tears once because I couldn’t face going out for a run, it really had taken over my life.'

WINE WAS MAGIC MEDICINE 

'But I found that drinking seemed to help, when I drank my worries and the anxious feelings seemed to fade away. It was like a magic medicine that made everything seem fun, after a couple of glasses of wine I would become carefree and would feel like I was full of laughter and joy in a world that otherwise was starting to feel rather dark.'

When he was 25 Simon moved into his first home with his then girlfriend (and now wife) Michelle - but this new found freedom gave him the perfect excuse to drink more. 

'Before long I was finding that I couldn’t spend an evening without drinking wine, often two bottles and sometimes more.  On top of this we would regularly visit the pub and return home worse for wear before I would start on the red wine until either the room started to spin or I made myself sick. 

Simon also admits that the booze caused numerous arguments and disagreements - where his mouth got out of control or he did something stupid. Pictured with his now wife at a festival drunk

'In 2006 we got married, it was a brilliant day spent with friends and family and I was so happy.  Although when I looked back at the photos it was clear how drunk everyone was, the best photo of me was one where I was dancing on a table,  much to the disgust of the venue staff, who were trying to get me down. 

'There was also a video of our first dance as a married couple, in the background I heard someone say "they are so drunk they are holding each other up" as we drunkenly shuffled around the dancefloor to You Do Something To Me by Paul Weller.'

When he turned 30 his wife fell pregnant and their lives completely changed - however it didn't stop his drinking. 

'All this change was just an excuse to carry on. If I had a stressful day I needed wine, if I had a good day I needed wine. No matter what kind of day I had, I needed wine.

'There was always a reason and there was always a bottle in the cupboard, I made sure of that. For years it went on, the cycle of daily drinking. I would head to the shop during the day and pick up a couple of bottles of wine (or a wine box) and then every single night I would drink.

Now that he's sober he's started an online Facebook support group and also published a book about his struggles 

'There are only a handful of occasions over the entire period (which spans beyond two decades) where I didn’t drink and these were when I was in hospital after an operation or laid up in bed with an illness and I physically couldn’t drink. 

RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWNS 

Simon also admits that the booze caused numerous arguments and disagreements - where his mouth got out of control or he did something stupid. 

'I used to put drinking in front of everything, It had complete power over me. It affected my relationships in so many ways, there were numerous family outings - that I would pass up on in favour of staying home and drinking wine. I also used to be snappy and argumentative after drinking, especially with my teenage son, which led to friction and conflict. 

'I was also snappy and argumentative, before drinking, as I just wanted to get started on the wine as I believed it was what made me relax and de-stress. I was never fully engaged or present.

'My relationship with my wife was also affected, there were arguments fuelled by booze that would never have happened had I not drunk and been rational and calm. I would often say or do stupid things after drinking and then find myself having to clean up the mess I caused the morning after.'

Simon admits that he would often Google things like 'am I an alcoholic' and 'how much alcohol is safe' and then skim past any search results that would scare him. Pictured: Empty booze bottles after a party at his house 

'However, I always believed I had a special love affair with red wine and it was truly helping me get through each and every day and injecting happiness into my life that was otherwise lacking.' 

In the five years before he quit drinking he he started to have worries about how much alcohol he was putting into his body. '

'I would often Google things like "am I an alcoholic" and "how much alcohol is safe" and then skim past any search results that would scare me until I found something that would put my mind at ease.

'I used to do this all the time and have since learned that this behaviour is called confirmation bias, where we choose to look at only what we want to see in order to reinforce our beliefs, even if those beliefs are actually wrong.' 

Simon Chapple has written a book called The Sober Survival guide  - which is available now via Amazon

ANXIETIES 

Today Simon and his wife run their own business, a marketing company which they started together back in 2004. 

'In 2016 it all started to get too much for me, the anxiety had reached new levels and I was finding it a struggle going into the office. 

'The slightest hint of a complaint or an issue with a staff member or client would set me off into a meltdown. I was worrying all the time about things that usually didn’t even happen and I realised that I wasn’t enjoying life, I just wasn’t happy and felt stuck in a huge rut.'

So he decided to take some time out to get some headspace, but the problem was that he had no clue where to start. 

'My days had become a routine of laying in bed until whenever I wanted, checking my emails and then heading out for a coffee (via the shop to buy wine) and then off to the gym before my wife returned home from work. 

'Then one morning I was at my computer and noticed my hands were shaking and I couldn’t stop them. It was awful and I wondered what the hell was going on. This had never happened before and it really worried me. It happened several times over the next week and before long (and after a few searches on Google) I realised it was probably my drinking that was causing it. 

'This was the moment where I knew something had to change, I didn’t want to end up in an early grave but I also didn’t know how or even what to do to make a change. 

'The thought of not having alcohol in my life filled me with a sense of complete dread, so I started to look for ways to cut down or change my drinking habits without feeling like I was being deprived or missing out. I tried only drinking on certain days of the week, this lasted for a few days before I was back drinking at my usual levels again.  

'The shaking hands had given me a real wake up call and I continued to search for some kind of solution and eventually stumbled across a book called This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.'

As I worked through the chapters of the book I felt like all my beliefs about alcohol were being examined and challenged and I could feel some of them unravelling. I learned things that I could never unlearn and I knew that after reading that book I would always have a different view about alcohol. 

Simon reveals that he was so drunk on his wedding day (pictured) that the organisers had to remove him from the tables he was dancing on, and during his first dance people shouted, ‘they're so drunk they're holding each other up’, at him and his new wife

'I wouldn’t say I was ready to quit drinking at this point but I had certainly become "sober-curious". 

'In particular I had been astounded to read that alcohol can make anxiety much worse and given how much I was drinking it was no wonder mine was off starting to go off the scale. 

STARTING A NEW LIFE 

'I had considered committing to taking a break from drinking, but I am an all or nothing type of person and felt that I needed to make one firm decision to end the toxic relationship with Ms Shiraz and not to look back. 

It felt much easier to say it than actually do it though and once I had decided I wanted to see what a life without drinking felt like I had multiple attempts at getting through even one or two days without wine, I ended up failing every time and found myself right back at the start.  

'I kept picking myself up, dusting myself down and learning from the setbacks just like the books had told me to do. I also continued to put the work in, journaling my experiences and learning from all the resources I could find to expand my understanding about how to successfully quit drinking. 

Eventually he made it through the first couple of days booze free: 'I was feeling really positive about myself and wanted to keep building on my success. Those couple of days turned into weeks and before I knew it the weeks became months and then the months became years. 

'Since that day I have not had one alcoholic drink and I have also never looked back, it was the best decision I have ever made. At the same time that I managed to quit I decided to start a website called besober.co.uk - I used it as online version of my journal and also wrote articles about the techniques and tactics that had worked for me. 

Simon regularly coaches in online groups and has spoken on stage at This Naked Mind Live (pictured) in Denver, Colorado 

After a couple of months of updating the site other people said how helpful they found the advice so he set up a Facebook group is called Be Sober  - it quickly became one of the fastest growing sober communities in the world.

'I couldn’t believe that so many people were caught in the exact same trap as I was. I wanted to help everyone in the group and connect personally with all the members, but with the group growing so fast it was impossible, so I enlisted the help of a couple of other members to assist in running the group and ensuring everyone felt supported and looked after. 

'As the months went by I thought it would be a great idea to ask Annie Grace author of This Naked Mind to do an interview for my website, she kindly agreed and after the interview invited me to America to train as an alcohol coach so I could join her team.   

'Since then I have gone on to help thousands of people change their relationship with drinking. I regularly coach in online groups and have spoken on stage at This Naked Mind Live in Denver, Colorado and will be on stage at the Club Soda Mindful Drinking Festival in London in January 2020. 

'Bear in mind this was the guy with awful anxiety who used to have a meltdown at the thought of standing up in a small staff meeting. Hopefully this shows you what can happen when you discover the best version of yourself by cutting alcohol out of your life. 

Before (left) and after (right): Simon says that his overall health has improved since he gave up the booze two years ago 

'Since quitting alcohol my relationship with both my son and wife have improved so much, I now find pleasure in the smallest things and love family days out and spending time with them both where I am fully present, engaged and enjoying our time together.  

'How I managed to get through the days with a fuzzy/foggy head after boozing every evening I will never know. I am sure I would stink of booze , but nobody ever said a word. 

'I have also managed to run 15 marathons in the last 6 years -  every one of them, before I quit, I drank wine the night before to calm my nerves and afterwards to celebrate. 

'The last two have been while I have been sober and have been the fastest I have run and the most rewarding experiences. My whole level of fitness and motivation has increased massively without alcohol in my life.' 

The Sober Survival guide, by Simon Chapple is available now via Amazon